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By: Kate Konopicky

'I was always impressed at the interpreting skills of mothers with toddlers. I've seen it countless times: 'Aberdeen leasing! Aberdeen leasing!' the kid insists and the mother replies 'OK. What colour do you want?' 'Rollmop.' 'There isn't one.

You can have a red one.' And the child trots off happily, apparently under the impression that she's just had a normal conversation.' If there's one thing that everyone has an opinion about it's how to bring up a child - especially your child. Kate Konopicky found herself an embattled mother, knowing that however hard she worked everything was wrong. If she went back to full-time employment she was neglecting her child.

If she stayed at home the child would be clingy and shy. So, she became a combination of teacher, nurse, nutritionist, psychologist, entertainer and mind reader. She didn't get weekends off and never phoned in sick when she wanted a lie-in.

The boss was illogical, demanding, incapable of undertaking the simplest task. Yes, we've all had jobs like that but at least we got paid for them. Kate Konopicky is an anarchic voice in the face of regimented parenting books.